This has been weighing on my mind for a few months now. My daughter, currently 7, with her birthday quickly approaching next month, came the talk of her wanting a phone for her birthday. I had to laugh, because my immediate thought was one I am positive my mother said the day I mentioned this to her. "Are you kidding me, what do you think you need a phone for?" Now, I was 15 when I was 14 when I asked for my first phone. That is twice the age of my daughter Amaya. After shooting down her wish, I got to thinking.
With Amaya being my only child, I am a very controlling mother and I like to, and do, know everything my child is doing at all times. I must know where she is, who she is with, what she is doing, and for how long will she be doing it. I don't think this is a bad thing! I believe it shows that I care in what activities she is involved with and with what friends she spends her time with. A few of the neighborhood girls are a couple years older than Amaya, and they all have phones. So naturally, my child want what she doesn't have. And I can respect that. I am just not sure I can justify her owning a phone until she is older and I begin to let her explore the outside world.
There are a few instances in which I have considered her need for a cell phone. There's that of when she misses me, she can tell me! I can't wait for those messages! Then there's the time where she wants to go to the park with her friends, if something happens, she could let me know immediately. Other than these two reasons, I just can't come to terms with a 7 or 8 year old with a phone. She will have to continue to be happy with her Ipod, tablet and the use of my laptop for a few more years.
Please feel free to give me your opinion on this subject so I may justify that I am not being a mean Mom when she opens her presents and finds that she is not getting a cell phone, this year.
"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that She is someone today." -Stacia Tauscher
I think it's awesome that you put in the effort to regulate your daughter. I believe that it really does show that you care, even if she doesn't see it like that. I come from parents who kind of let me do whatever I wanted to. My mom wasn't really in my life as a "mother" from ages 8-16 and my dad had a very hands off approach to parenting. My dad earned my respect though so I didn't want to let him down and it resulted in me making good decision for the most part, but it did cause a lot of strife for me at times. I would wish that my parents were more active in my life and sometimes I would push the restrictions just to see if they would notice. I think that it's important for kids to know that in life there are rules you have to follow and I think that instills character in them. But I also think that sometimes kids have to learn by mistakes. You learn more by messing up than you do by always doing everything right the first time. I would recommend maybe getting her a simple flip phone that can make calls and has limited texting. I think this compromise would make both of you happy. She would feel like you are respecting her right to make her own decisions, but you aren't giving her the maximum responsibility right off the bat. Tell her that as she exhibits more responsibility you will give her more minutes a month and more freedom, but she will have to earn it over the years. I think this will be a great learning experience for both of you and help your relationship grow. If you can earn her respect and build trust between you two early on I promise you that her teenager years will be much easier. I speak from experience as someone who is a teenager and has always had respect for my parents because they instilled it in me when I was young and trusted me enough to let me make choices that are important to me. Good luck! I hope it works out well! Don't be afraid to tell her that she should wait a bit though, afterall you are her mom and nothing will change that. Maybe it could be a Christmas present or a reward of some sorts later on down the road. But that's just my point of view, it doesn't make it the right one. :)
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your insight Danielle! My mother was on me like a leach when I was growing up! I am very appreciative of that now, and while she did give me opportunities to experience life, I always took that inch she gave me and ran a mi9le with it, and was almost always caught! I am so thankful for the way I was raised and I hope I may live up to what I know, and help my daughter understand a little bit, and appreciate me too.
DeleteGood work on your new entries, Melissa. You are paying attention to your audience. Keep it up.
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